heyo! i just finished my qt, so late. gosh!
ok anyway. i read Psalm 78:1-30
but i just wanna highlight verse 8-17

⁸ They would not be like their forefathers—
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
whose hearts were not loyal to God,
whose spirits were not faithful to him.
⁹ The men of Ephraim, though armed with bows,
turned back on the day of battle;
¹⁰ they did not keep God's covenant
and refused to live by his law.
¹¹ They forgot what he had done,
the wonders he had shown them.
¹² He did miracles in the sight of their fathers
in the land of Egypt, in the region of Zoan.
¹³ He divided the sea and led them through;
he made the water stand firm like a wall.
¹⁴ He guided them with the cloud by day
and with light from the fire all night.
¹⁵ He split the rocks in the desert
and gave them water as abundant as the seas;
¹⁶ he brought streams out of a rocky crag
and made water flow down like rivers.
¹⁷ But they continued to sin against him,
rebelling in the desert against the Most High.

and while reading this few verses, i recalled all the people of israel whom despite seeing all the wonderful, unexplainable miracles, still doubted and rebelled against God.
like when moses saved the israelites and brought them out of egypt, when moses parted the sea, provided water, the israelites still complained and say they rather be slaves. and after that they even committed idolatry. then i got irritated, like why the israelites so stubborn? so stupid?, like why God already showed Himself real through miracles, they still like that.
but then God posted this question to me, "what about you?"
for a second, i really don't know how to answer God.
i mean, as i looked back, God has also blessed me countless times, and yet, sometimes i still choose to disobey God when i know its wrong, i still sin against God, i still don't wanna obey, don't want to submit. whoa i'm so sinful, i'm, one way or another, like the israelites.
i'm a sinner. gosh! i'm in no position to judge them because i'm also like them, a sinner.
wahh seriously i was taken aback. i want to change. i know i cant stop being a sinner, but i want to do my best not to sin, not to disobey, to obey despite reluctance, to do what is right rather than what i feel like doing.
yeah man!

- jade